Last year, my husband Steve died. His death changed my life in an instant. We were childhood sweethearts. I was 13 when we met and he was 14. He made a commitment to love me forever and that’s exactly what happened until the day he died. We had 38 years of marriage and an exciting 46-year relationship.
When Steve died in February, I wasn’t sure how I’d survive on my own. I went solo traveling for two months; I kept pushing and pushing trying to prove to my friends and family that I was OK.
Then Christmas came. My first one without him. My three sons arrived and wrapped me in love but as the New Year approached they went back to Tokyo and Azerbaijan.
It was down to me to find a new routine, a way to start each day.
I’d had some experience with Transcendental Meditation™ when I was 20. I was given a mantra that was whispered in my ear and was told never to share this sacred sound with anyone. I never have and even to this day, my mantra is secret.
They say the teacher will come when the student is ready. Imagine my surprise to discover a brand new Transcendental Meditation ™ Peace Palace had opened just a few months earlier in my neighborhood. Before the dust could settle on the New Year, I’d organized an appointment to check my meditation practice.
It was a wonderfully sunny day in early January when I arrived at the Peace Palace, a lovely place that was designed by its architects to maximize light with a central atrium bathed in natural sunlight.
I was asked to take off my shoes and led to one of the practice rooms. I was told to close my eyes. “Thoughts come easily, right?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Close your eyes,” I was instructed, “repeat your mantra silently. Easy right?”
“Yes,” I said.
And that was how I got back into Transcendental Meditation, with no effort at all. I practice every morning for 20 minutes and it feels good. Sometimes, my monkey brain jumps all over the place, going from one conversation to another, flying off at tangents, and falling down rabbit holes, but I’m always grateful that I make time to practice.
Steve was very wise and he told me that you only need two ingredients to make magic.
Before practice, I go through the ritual of lighting a candle and sitting with my legs crossed. I set my intention to practice for 20 minutes.
Meditating feels like magic during those times when I feel a deep connection with myself. Other times, the thoughts that pop up during my meditation will trigger tears to fall. I just let them roll down my cheeks. Those tears wash away my sadness and heal me.
Thank you, Steve, for all that you’ve shared with me and for helping me realize that meditation is the magic part of my life.